GROWING PAINS

Saturday, 19 May 2012

I'm back! Bigger, better, and with bells on. Not really, it's still just me, but a short break has brought me to the realisation that (1) I love writing and (2) I miss you lot, when we're not chattin'. 

One thing I've been giving some time to recently has been rereading my old diaries (I have avidly logged life's events - both the mundane and the slightly more ridiculous - since the age of eight). One day, when I'm feeling brave drunk enough, I'll take you through some of the most hilariously cringe-enducing extracts.  In the meantime, I've written a few summaries. I'm going to put up the first one now, and if you like it, let me know, because there's plenty more angst-ridden rambling where that came from, so maybe it could become a once-a-week thing? If, however, you think it's pants, feel free to throw rotten cyber-eggs in my direction. 

*image source*

I figured that if you're still suffering through adolescence, maybe a few war stories will cheer you up. If, like me, you've been there, done that, got the Busted t-shirt*, then enjoy the trip down memory lane, titter at my misfortune as a yoof, and feel free to leave any similar tales of woe in the comments box! Because I can't have been the only one who (according to my diary entries, at least) was so thoroughly miserable, right? 

Ok, here goes. Welcome to Angstville. Population - Me. 

Mona.

*Sadly, not really, all I got was a commemorative inflatable guitar. Yes, seriously.

1: The Unrequited Crush

I was fourteen, and quite firmly planted in the most ungainly phase of my adolescence. My mouth still bore more than a faint resemblance to a barbed wire fence, and my 32AA Marks and Sparks bra was sadly flapping around my ribcage, totally pointless, and convincing me that never, ever, ever would I have the things which would make me normal - breasts. My Big Bro used to take me along to social occasions, pitying me for being so hopelessly unsocialised due to my attending boarding school in a convent. 

Inevitably, these gatherings would always find me hanging at the edge of the party, a lukewarm WKD clutched in a hand that's unpleasantly sweaty due to nerves. Luckily, I'd usually be rescued by one of Big Bro's more sympathetic pals, who would come and hang out with me for a while, debating the merits of the Super Nintendo Entertainment System versus that of the Sega Megadrive, making sure I had a drink, and basically all treating me like their own honourary little sister. Naturally, given that I was fourteen, fairly naive, and hopelessly insecure, these small kindnesses sometimes resulted in possibly the most devastating of adolescent phenomenon - the unrequited crush. 

There was one boy, in particular, who would keep me company for hours at these parties, always laughing at even my feeblest jokes, giving me my first ever cigarette, and giving me the slightest hope that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't some kind of mutant that the opposite sex found utterly repellent. Our time together was always drawn to a premature close, however, when his eye would inevitably be drawn to an older, cooler girl, who actually inhaled her tobacco smoke and filled out her (not 32AA) bra. Which would always leave me heartbroken. 

Before abandoning me to the social Siberia which was the edge of the party, alone, this boy would always stroke my cheek (making sure to avoid the mouth area, which was pretty sharp), and tell me "Oh Mo, you have so much potential. But you're just not quite there yet, chicken." Or, "You'll be so pretty when you get the braces off, but you still won't have any sex appeal, darling." Which he claims he meant kindly. A pat of the head, and he'd run off to his poonhoundery. I would sigh, take another shudder-inducing swig of WKD, and wish I had Hogwartian powers and could curse the girls in the room who had bigger boobs than me (i.e. all the girls in the room).

Yeah. Crushing stuff.

P.S. I can happily report that life got easier. The braces came off, I got bumped up to a 32B (ka-chiiing!) and I eventually came to the realisation that I was not actually in love with that boy. We're still good friend to this day, and actually, when I was seventeen, had straight pearly-whites, and managed to develop some sex-appeal (apparently), he tried to kiss me at a party where I was NOT sitting on my own in the corner. At which point I jumped up and down, screamed "I WIN!", and rejected him. And victory was very, very sweet. 

36 comments:

  1. glad you've got your inspiration to blog back! love reading your posts

    from,

    helen @ http://www.thelovecatsinc.com

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    1. Thank you Helen! I'm a huge fan of your blog, so that means a lot!

      Mona x

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  2. Middle finger up to that guy! I can't believe some guys can be so cruel. Actually I can. Boys, eh? *sigh* x x

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    1. Boys indeed! Ah well, at least we can now look back and laugh!

      Mona x

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  3. This post really got me giggling; my adolescent self sounds quite similar! Braced up, shy and envious of the hot girls.. xx

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    1. Good times, 'ey? You honestly couldn't pay me to go back there, but it definitely makes for quite hilarious diary reading now!

      Mona x

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  4. Haha I love this...I spent my youth from year 4 to year 10 in every form of brace, head brace and elasticated pain there is! I wore ACTUAL elastic bands, in my mouth...Combining my top and bottom jaw! Absolute horror! Unrequited crushes pretty much sum up my teen years!
    Amazing post, keep em coming :)
    xxx

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    1. I so feel your brace pain, but at least we have lovely straight teeth now!

      Mona x

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  5. This is such a cute post, and definitely not tragic, because lets face it girl, YOU WON!

    Pip x

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  6. Ahh I loved reading this, I was there once too, with the mouth full of wire and the 32AA bra (mine was from John Lewis..). So glad you got to reject that boy, hah. Please do post more :) xx

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    1. John Lewis! Fancy lady! I'll be posting another one in the next few days!

      Mona x

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  7. I'm sooooooooooooo happy that you're back! Really missed you and your posts! <3

    Good story! But, oh boy, he sounds like an idiot ;)

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    1. Thank you Crazy Button! He was an idiot, but has actually grown into quite a lovely man so we let it go!

      Mona x

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  8. I'm glad you're back. I'm even more glad that someone else had the 32AA M&S bras I FELT SO GROWN UP as the air wafted around my chest... I also hear ya on the braces, I've got some pretty attractive fangs thanks to teeth refusing to exist... Unrequited crushes are the worst, especially when you're 14 and pretty sure you're whole love life depends on this one guy xxxx

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    1. Thanks Becca! I kind of miss the days of 32AA now to be honest, lugging around grown-up sized boobs gets slightly exhausting at times! Being fourteen was hilarious, I was just so convinced that my romantic life would begin and end with that boy... But, alas not.

      Mona x

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  9. I can't throw eggs at you because it took me TWO MONTHS to write again and even then it's mostly pictures. Ridiculous.

    I really love this picture though, I want to write about my first crush! Do you think my other half would mind as he would know them as we went to school together?! Lol. So glad you rejected him. Revenge is sweet.

    Laura x
    http://firstclassramblings.blogspot.com

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    1. We are a crazy bunch, aren't we...?

      Please DO write about your first crush, and let me know if you have! I'm sure your other half won't mind once you explain to him that 14 year olds are all mental.

      Mona x

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  10. Haha Mona, so cute. I love your writing. I had oh so many similar moments as a youth and I think every other girl did, too.
    :)
    and in his face.

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    1. Hi Ayesha, thank you very much!

      Mona x

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  11. Yhis is my teenage years in a nutshell...though, you were lucky to have 32AA haha ;)

    how the tables do turn though, ey? I think, looking back, it's actually heaps better to be the not so amazing teenager & be able to turn around & turn down the not so yummy adults those cool teenagers turned in to.

    Go, Mona! xx

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    1. I totally agree, I remember weeping to my Ma, and she kept telling me that I was an ugly duckling, but that it was 'character building'. I guess she was right!

      Mona x

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  12. "I WIN!!!!" Love it! LOVE IT!

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    1. Thanks BDP, that's because you, like me, are a little bit mad.

      Mona x

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  13. Yay! you're back : ) I have never been able to quite believe that "school days are the best days of your life!" malarkey. After a certain age, school became a daily nightmare for me...thanks for sharing this with us. Glad you got the last laugh, but also glad you and your former unrequited love are still friends!

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    1. To be fair, I very much enjoyed my schooldays, but I was quite sheltered from the dreadful boy malarky, which was more holiday territory... The joys of convent school, ey?

      Mona x

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  14. Hurrah for your return! And with a wonderfully honest post...we've all been there, eh?!

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    1. Indeed we have... Thankfully, no more (phew)!

      Mona x

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  15. Your writing never fails to make me laugh; I'm pretty sure we all have had a crush on our older brother's friend at one point! I loved the Busted mention, I think I actually still have my own bright red inflatable guitar xx

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    1. Thanks Scarlett! The joy of having big brothers, right? Although my heart will always truly belong to Charlie from Busted - what a dish!

      Mona x

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  16. Reading old diaries, for me, is just embarrassing. I cringe at pretty much everything! I was pretty much the same, except I didn't even get invited to parties in the first place (maybe I have 4.5 years of braces to thank for that)
    That was a cute story though, awesome that you 'won' in the end! And that picture is awesome.

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    1. I was only invited thanks to the mercies of my lovely brother!

      I'm really glad you liked the post (doing more "personal" ones is always a bit scary), the picture however, I cannot take credit for, although it's linked to the source.

      Mona x

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  17. I think EVERY girl can relate to this! Absolutely love the end though, woo to you! I dug out my old diaries a while back and they're so boring. They're literally food diaries of everything I ate that day and whether I liked it or not. Even when I went to Disneyland. Which is weird, because I really don't remember being that obsessed with food when I was younger haha xxx

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    1. Hahaha! I hope that you ate well at Disneyland? Probably a little less cringe than my manifestos of teenage angst, though!

      Mona x

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  18. Just discovered your blog. I am in love. You write so fantastically! And looking through my diaries are all so cringey. Basically all about my weight, how depressing. But it's good reading back on things like that and realising you've gotten over stuff! :)

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    1. Thank you so much, that's so lovely of you! It is good to know that you've gotten over things that were getting you down!

      Mona x

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All love notes are gratefully received. If you have a burning question, though, it would be better to hit me up with an email.

Mona x

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